Cracks

By Prof. A. Subbarao

Kaveri looked for Raman on the road for the twentieth time. She saw earlier Raman taking his dog for a walk and usually he returns after the walk in 30 minutes. It is more that 90 minutes since he went with the dog and still no sign of Raman. Her eyes suddenly brightened when she saw Raman. But Raman was alone and was walking rather moodily. There was no sign of the dog which accompanied him earlier.

“Hello sir, won’t you come for a cup of coffee?” Kaveri more or less shouted as Raman was moving away towards his own house.

Raman entered Kaveri’s house and sat on a chair. The poor dull light in the house was brighter than the dull utter despair laden face of Raman. Raman’s thin hair was in a disheveled and haphazard condition. “What happened to him?” was the first question that popped into Kaveri’s mind. Unable to comprehend anything, Kaveri entered into her kitchen and started preparation for making coffee. Her mind wandered into the recent past and stopped on that day when she requisioned pest control services

“It is not advisable for you to spend the night in this house. The pesticides we used are highly corrosive. If you inhale them, you will develop health problems” said the pest control person after completion of his job.

“I will not be able to do that. It is now six o’clock in the evening. I can manage here with all windows open” replied Kaveri.

“Our company policy is very clear. We bring it to the notice of the occupant of the house about the dangerous consequences of inhaling the poisonous remains which will be present in the air for at least twelve hours. If we allow you to stay here in this house, we are liable for punitive action. You cannot stay here tonight. You can go and stay either with your friends or relatives” insisted the pest control company worker. Kaveri nodded her head in disagreement and said” I do not have any relatives nearby. No, I cannot go anywhere at this late hour. Do not worry; I will not hold your company responsible for any of my health problems. I will be careful to keep the doors and windows open until 10 o’clock and switch the fans in all the rooms. The air circulation will drive away deleterious chemical fumes. That would be alright”.

“I am telling you once again. If you do not agree then I have to report this to my boss” insisted the company person and raised his voice a bit in desperation.

“My name is Raman and I live in the house on the other side of the road. What is the matter? Can I help you?” asked Raman. Both Kaveri and the company worker stopped their discussion and stared at him. Kaveri recognized him as the person who is residing in the house opposite to hers. Even though their houses are opposite to each other, neither of them knew anything about the other person. The company person explained the situation once again.” Okay, you told her about the ill effects of the chemicals you have used. You please go; we will handle the problem ourselves.” Raman assured the company person who was leaving the place.

“Before I retired three years back, I worked for thirty four years for a chemical company and I fully agree with what the company person said. It is indeed unsafe for you to stay here the night. If you are not able to go to any relatives place, you can move into a hotel room” said Raman.

“How much will it cost per night to take a room in a hotel? I do not know anything about stay in a hotel? Where are these hotels?” Kaveri asked.

“Well, the room may cost you one thousand rupees and the travel to a nearby hotel would cost you another hundred. Do you have money in the house? If not I can lend you the money” Raman offered to help Kaveri.

“I do not have that kind of money to spend for one night. I am also afraid of staying alone in a hotel. Are those places safe? No, I cannot do that” replied Kaveri,

Raman did not speak immediately. After one minute of silence he said” I have a solution for your problem but I do not know if it will be agreeable to you or not”.

“Please tell me, I will think about it”.

“In my house I have two bed rooms, one on the ground floor and the second one on the first floor. I use the bed room located in the first floor. The bed room on the ground floor is a guest bed room. It has an attached bath room. If you do not feel uncomfortable, you can make use of guest bedroom in my house. By the way, it has a double lock for the door from inside” said Raman. Kaveri looked at Raman and could see that he is trying to help her.

“Thank you for your offer. Under the circumstance that seems to be a very good option, rather only option. But do you have milk? I need a cup of strong coffee. My headache is really bothering me” replied Kaveri. “How could she ask him like this?” She wondered about herself later. The solution to her immediate problem brought a perceptible relief to her and her mood has changed.” I am sorry to have asked you like this. As you mentioned, those chemicals were very obnoxious. I wanted relief from my headache” Kaveri apologized.

“I have milk and I can give you a cup of hot coffee. Give me five minutes time to see that everything in the bed room is o.k.” Raman said and left her to get ready. She spent the night in the spare bedroom in Raman’s house and returned in the morning. She has been living in Raja annamalaipuram for the last thirty years and thanks to her daughter she does not have to pay any rent. Her daughter Radhika has settled in Australia and visits her once in four to five years. The neighborhood has changed since the time when Radhika bought the house for her mother. In the urban society everybody have their priorities and have no time for others. Yesterday’s event was one of its kinds in Kaveri’s life. She had unexpected help from Raman who is practically a stranger.

Thus began her friendship with Raman, Kaveri recollected.

The sound of hissing milk brought Kaveri to the present. He prepared two cups of coffee and came back into the living room. Silently she handed over one cup to Raman. There was pin drop silence in the room and in the still of the night the deep sigh emanated from Raman made a pronounced noise. Raman carefully kept the empty cup on the table and looked into void. Raman’s silence was killing Kaveri. She could no longer keep quiet.

“What happened? Where is the dog?” inquired Kaveri.

“For quite sometime my dog has been walking with great pain and it is not able to eat well. It became weak. Since yesterday, I saw her bleeding profusely from the toe. I took the dog to the veterinarian and I was told that the dog is indeed in great pain and he advised me to put her to rest. I had no choice; I cannot be a mute spectator without taking care of her one way or the other. Since I could not relieve her pain, I agreed reluctantly with the veterinarian. I left her there. It is simply a barbaric act, but what else I could have done?’ Raman moaned.

Kaveri was shocked and she had no words to console Raman. Except for a very short time in a day, the dog was Raman’s constant companion and offered unconditional affection to him for several years. Now that the dog is gone, Raman became alone. Sometimes silence conveys more than ordinary casual words. Few minutes ticked by.

“I did not know that it is so sick. I do not know but I can imagine your pain” Kaveri said and took the empty coffee cups and went into the kitchen to drop them in the sink. By the time she returned the living room was empty.

Kaveri allowed Raman to mourn for a week and called him for a cup of coffee on one evening. By then Raman regained his cheerfulness to a great extent.

“Today morning I was returning from Chennai railway station in an auto rickshaw and I saw a fleet of cars parked on a street close to ours.

“Why are so many cars parked here? Probably a movie star lives in one of these houses” I said to the auto rickshaw driver. The auto rickshaw driver looked at me in a very strange way. “No sir, a judge lives in that mansion. All the parked cars on the road belong to visitors. Today a bail petition in a ten year old girl rape case is scheduled to come up for hearing. The person accused hails from a very influential family. Naturally lot of recommendations for the accused for release on bail” replied the auto rickshaw driver. He mentioned this as if it is very common.” It is against law to meet a presiding judge at home” I continued my argument with the auto rickshaw driver.

“Sir, it looks as though you are not living in this present day world. Agreed, that there are so many cars and visitors at his house. It does not necessarily mean that they came to meet him. They may have come to meet his relatives or friends of the family who are present accidentally there. They could have come to meet people who are working in the house”, explained the driver. I stopped arguing with him further. By the way, a new Sravana bhavan restaurant was opened near Mylapore. Are we going to eat lunch there soon? I have been suggesting to you that it would be a good place to eat. Somehow, you are not showing any interest” Raman complained.

“You have praised a lot about the taste of food at these restaurants, I feel it is time to visit and see if what you say is true or not?” Kaveri agreed.

The next day when Raman visited Kaveri in the evening,” I was utterly shocked to read today the rape victim accused about whom you mentioned yesterday got bail. I did not know that there was sufficient evidence to prove the charge. Even then the judge released him on bail. Such rapists should be hanged in public. How can anyone think of raping a ten year old? They are not humans but demons” Kaveri fumed.

“Take it easy. It is an abominable act but it has to be proved in a court of law. Unfortunately when once the person comes out on bail, he influences the officials and the case rarely comes up for hearing and eventually the accused gets scotch free. Several cases like this have occurred and the end result is same” Raman agreed with Kaveri.

“I will come at 7.15 p.m., and we will start for our dinner immediately. I hope you will be ready by then” said Raman and left for his house,

It has become a regular feature for Raman and Kaveri to eat at Sravanna bhavan.

“Look. Thanks to your Sravanna bhavan food I have put on 4 kilo grams weight. I have to watch. At this rate if I grow I will not be able to even bend and touch my toes. Let us stop for a while going to restaurants” complained Kaveri one day.

Raman looked at Kaveri. He could notice that Kaveri’s cheeks are shining more and a new glow appeared on her face and he liked it. Sravanna bhavan food made her more attractive.

“All right we will not visit Sravanna Bhavan for a month” Raman reluctantly conceded.

A month has passed. Heavy rains lashed Chennai and consequently visit to Sravanna bhavan got postponed. Then Raman came down with viral flu and one more month has passed before Raman recovered. To cheer Raman up” Let us go to Sravanna bhavan for dinner tonight” Kaveri proposed. Raman’s eyes lit up with excitement with her proposal” that is a wonderful idea” he said.

After dinner Kaveri and Raman were coming back from in an auto rickshaw around 9.00 p.m and when the auto rickshaw was one furlong close to their houses, Raman said” I will pick up a milk packet and will join you in ten minutes. You continue your journey and pay him the fare” and got down from the auto rickshaw.

After paying the fare to the auto rickshaw driver,Kaveri alighted from the vehicle. The street lights were off. She could not locate the house key in dark and it took few minutes before she found the key. She opened the door and when she was about to close the door behind her, three persons forced their way in and started assaulting her. She was trying to shout for help but the assailants kept her pinned down and she could only moan with a feeble voice.

“Why have you not switched the lights? Is there a power failure?” asked Raman entering Kaveri’s house. There was no answer except struggling noise. He realized that Kaveri is in trouble and he tried to help her. One of them took out a knife stabbed Raman few times and ran out. Others followed him. Kaveri switched on the lights and found Raman bleeding profusely from his wounds.

The roads were deserted, and it took thirty minutes before Kaveri could transport Raman to a nearby hospital. The hospital administration persons first refused to admit him as it involves a police case but eventually admitted him as Raman’s condition was grave with loss of blood.

“You please wait outside. We have to operate on your husband to stop the bleeding. Please sign these papers of permission” said the hospital superintendent. There was no time to explain that Raman is not her husband. She mechanically signed the papers.

The police arrived after an hour and started questioning Kaveri.

“In these types of cases we are obligated to send you for a medical examination. Tell me what happened to your husband” said the police inspector with a book and pen in hand. When Kaveri explained that Raman is not her husband and they were coming home after having dinner at Sravanna bhavan. The demeanor of the police inspector has changed immediately. He looked at Kaveri in a strange manner. Kaveri felt that the expression on the face of the inspector and his questioning was in poor taste. He was treating her more like a low class culprit rather than questioning a victim.

“No, I do not want to go through any medical examination. Nothing happened to me except small bruises and little cuts. If I can wash my face, I would be o.k, Can I go to use the restroom?” Kaveri replied in a stern voice. The inspector thought for a while.

“That is all for the present. You might have to come to police station tomorrow morning to give a formal statement. Do not leave town. Can we drop you at your house?”

“That will not be necessary. I will wait here in the hospital for a while to see my friend Raman before I go home” Kaveri said and walked towards the rest room.

Two hours passed.

“Your husband has regained consciousness. You can see him now. But keep the conversation minimum” said the surgeon who operated Raman.

“How is he? Is there danger to his life?” Kaveri asked with anxiety.

“As of now the bleeding has stopped, But he lost lot of blood and is weak. His survival depends on how he responds to medication during the next 48 hours. I suggest that you inform your kith and kin about his condition” said the Surgeon. Kaveri entered the room and saw Raman heavily bandaged. She could not control herself. Tears rolled down her cheeks incessantly for few minutes. She wiped them with the sari she was wearing and approached the bed and touched Raman’s hand softly. Raman opened his eyes and saw her. The tears which rolled down her cheeks left indelible marks. He saw her disheveled hair, signs of blood in the struggle and her red face was smeared with worry. This is a different Kaveri Raman thought. What a difference! The Kaveri he got used to had a very graceful composure and confidence. This Kaveri is different. She is submerged in pathos and fear. The smile which emanated from his face on seeing her faded and quickly gave way to sorrow. It was his fault. Had he not alighted from the auto rickshaw this would not have happened? Had he not agreed to her suggestion to go out for dinner she would not have suffered that ordeal? He only remembered those inflicted knife wounds and Kaveri’s struggle. The next thing he realized was that he was on a hospital bed. How could she, in her condition bring him to a hospital? Raman was overwhelmed with guilt and his eyes could not meet Kaveri’s probing stare and he closed them hurriedly.

Kaveri saw a change of expression on Raman’s face. He was not sure nor she could understand it, but she did not like that change. She did not want to show her worry and anxiety lest he should understand it as a loss of hope for his life. She turned her face away from his view to conceal her feelings.

“Take rest, I will come again” Kaveri said and came out of the room and waited in the visitor’s lounge throughout the night and after hearing that Raman’s condition has not deteriorated she went home in the morning. Raman remained in critical condition the next day as well. Kaveri waited in the hospital for good news from the doctors. After 48 hours the doctors told her that Raman is out of danger. She went home for the night.

She was back at the hospital the next day morning with a flask full of hot coffee. “Raman likes strong hot coffee” she recalled on her way to the hospital.

“Sir, I brought you some coffee” said Kaveri and helped him to take few gulps. The taste of good coffee livened Raman and a faint smile emanated from his face. He opened his eyes for a second and closed them again. Kaveri felt that Raman’s attitude has changed. He was not looking directly and avoided her eye contact with her. Contrary to the doctor’s assertion, Kaveri felt that there is much improvement in Raman’s health.

“I would like to inform about this accident and your hospitalization to your friends and relatives. Where do you keep their addresses? ”Kaveri asked.

“If you go to my room in the house you will find a diary on my writing table. Please bring it and I will show you whom to contact. All this is a big trouble for you. I am sorry “said Raman. Kavari got up and said

“It is not a bother at all. I will go right away and bring it”.

Kaveri found the address book and on her way to the hospital pondered on the last three days events and her visits to the hospital. The December cold breeze and the thoughts brought chill into her body. For one thing, she could not comprehend Raman’s facial expression. What could he be thinking? It is true that Raman lost lot of blood from the wounds and that pain must have been very severe. How can she expect him to be the way he cheered her in the past? She is only imagining and attributing motives for the grimace on his face. “What a stupid person I am!” thought Kaveri and she entered Raman’s room.

But she noticed again the mixed reaction of Raman. As soon as he saw her, Raman’s eyes lit up with happiness but instantaneously a strange look over shadowed that. Kaveri’s doubts surfaced again.

Raman pointed to the names and addresses and requested Kaveri to make four telephone calls. “I will make those calls on my way to my house and I will return again in the afternoon” said Kaveri and came out of the room.

Kaveri knew that other than his son who migrated to United States twenty years back, Raman has no immediate family members. What would happen when Raman’s son comes to Chennai? What might he think about her? Sooner or later everybody will come to know that she and Raman were visiting restaurants now and then. What will be their reaction? When Raman’s son arrives he will take over all responsibilities of his father and she has no role to play. Will she be able to see Raman? Kaveri wondered. Before returning to her home Kaveri stopped at a public telephone booth and made the four calls which Raman wanted.

*****

Raman woke up with a start from a bad dream and looked around. Kaveri went away two hours back and has not returned yet. He was grateful to Kaveri for taking care of him when needed. Had it not been for her timely help, he would have bled and probably would not have had any chance of survival. Even though Kaveri is helping him beyond expectations, her sullen and sorrow expression is bothering him. Why is she like that? She should be happy that he is in hospital and is well taken care of by the doctors. By any chance does she feel that the responsibility for the mishap was because of me? No, if she felt like that she would have avoided him completely. Raman was tossing all sorts of wild reasons in his mind and which resulted in a severe headache. He was pressing his head with his fingers to control the pain and Kaveri walked in and their eyes met for a second. Raman saw Kaveri walking towards him with drooping shoulders and lacking strength. She appeared like a flat balloon with no air. Her eyes drooped and Raman thought” Kaveri has aged significantly in these two days”.

“I hope your son will come soon. I understand that this time of the year is considered as lean period for air travel. When did you last see him? I saw my daughter four years back. She wanted me to visit Australia but sitting in an aircraft for sixteen hours is difficult for me. Also, what will I do there?” Kaveri tried to draw Raman into conversation.

Raman did not reply immediately.

“I too saw my son four years back when I visited him in US. Everybody is busy there and I found the life there is not to my taste. I hope he will come soon. The doctors feel that the worst is over and I know you will see me through this problem. You did lot of running to take care of me and it has taken its toll on your health. You need a little more rest” replied Raman.

That was the last time Kaveri visited the hospital.

Raman’s son arrived the next day. Kaveri opted to stay at home. She wanted to visit Raman but could not come up with enough courage to make the trip. She was not sure if her visit would do any good nor ready for any awkward questions which might crop up during the visit. She surrendered completely to the uncertainty and the days rolled by.


*****

Raman was in hospital for a month before he was discharged. Raman’s son attended to his father’s requirements diligently. He arranged a male help for his father’s needs and went back to US. The doctors cautioned Raman to stay home for another month before venturing out. Raman’s son suggested to his father to visit him after his recuperation but Raman did not show much interest in that proposal. Raman’s other relatives have retreated to their places and Raman was left to fend himself all alone. He loved solitude all along his life until he met Kaveri who filled a void which he never realized he had! Gosh! How quickly things have changed and he was forced to revert back to his old ways? Now solitude has become intolerable. Raman looked out of his window for any sign of Kaveri. The unseasonable rains and the mist reduced the visibility and he gave up staring at Kaveri’s house and sat in the chair. He picked up the telephone and dialed her number. He heard the telephone company’s announcement” temporarily out of service” and with a deep sigh he kept the phone back on its base.

“What happened to Kaveri? She did not try to contact him for the last two months. Was she sick? What could be the reason? Is she avoiding him? Is her silence related directly to the assault night? Is he holding him responsible for that? He was not sure about what happened that night and never broached that topic with Kaveri? How can he ask her about details? True, he could not prevent the attack but how can anyone imagine an attack of this nature can occur to a sixty year old lady? What has this world come to?He wanted to convey to her how sorry he was but there was no opportunity. What would Kaveri be thinking? She might think that I did not have the decency to acknowledge the help she rendered under difficult conditions. For a moment the thought of sending a word to Kaveri through his male help came up for consideration. What would the male help think? No! That is foolish and disrespectful to Kaveri. Raman could not come up with a reasonable solution to the problem in spite of pondering for several days.

*****

Kaveri realized that it is almost two months since she visited the hospital to see Raman. She came to know through her maid that Raman has made satisfactory progress and returned home after a stay of one month in the hospital. One day while she was looking out she saw Raman’s son getting into a taxi with three suit cases. A month has passed since Raman’s son went back to US and Raman is alone in his house. She wanted to visit him to inquire about the recuperation but the male help for Raman was always there during day time and visiting him in the night is out of question! Raman is confined to his home and is not going out. But he could have telephoned her but he did not. What prevented him from doing that? Has it got anything to do with that night incident? What did he think about what happened that night? She was attacked by those three people but before anything gruesome could happen Raman entered the house and saved her from it. However Raman did not know the details of those few minutes as he was unconscious. She could have mentioned the details to him and thank him for his arrival but how can she bring that type of conversation? After his admission into the hospital Raman’s demeanor has changed. He shut himself up and she could not penetrate his guard. She could not understand his aloofness in those three days. Did that incident lowered Raman’s view of her?. Kaveri kept on imagining about various reasons for Raman’s silence and could not come to any plausible explanation. The down pour and flooding disrupted her telephone connection and she waited patiently for the weather to improve.

Tomorrow I will see if I can visit Raman was the last thought before she went to bed one day. The next morning the weather improved and the sun was shining. She opened all doors and windows and allowed fresh air in to dry the house. It was almost ten o clock and when he stared outside she saw Raman slowly walking on the road with a stick in his hand.

“Sir, would you like to come for a cup of coffee” Kaveri shouted with a shrill voice.

“ That would be great, I am dying for a good cup of coffee for long” Raman replied and entered Kaveri’s house.

Kaveri made two cups of coffee and handed one to Raman and sat in another chair with the other cup. Raman was in a thoughtful mood and slowly sipping his coffee. Kaveri is observing Raman.

“You know Kaveri how even a minor incident similar to what happened two months back has altered our lives dramatically. Our lives got disrupted with enormous pain and suffering for two months. Imagine the catastrophic repercussions faced by a family when a rape occurs?” said Raman.

The artificial veil which Kaveri wore came down. The pent up emotions burst out and she sobbed and sobbed until the tears which rolled down became dry.